A Little Love

“So tell that some one that you love,
Just what you’re thinking of,
If tomorrow never comes.”

Words I believe will probably be etched in my memory for an eternity. A little love shown? Why was I so stupid to take things for granted? A little love and care showing itself in words or deeds…sounds none too difficult for anyone. And then the words “I love you,” “You mean a lot to me”. Words which take only a few seconds to say yet which might bring into bloom the flower of love that will last for a lifetime. A lifetime? But what if that lifetime was cut off before the beautiful blooming blossom of love reached its full splendor?

That’s a question that demanded an answer from me on the 7th of October, 2003, when out of nowhere, with no warning whatsoever my brother passed away. Immediately I asked myself, “What had I done to show him my love, care and concern?” Little or none was the sad but true answer as I have always been one afraid to show my true feelings to anyone. Then I realized that I would have to bear the pain of going through this life knowing that I would never be able to show my brother how much I loved him, how much he really meant to me. It hurts….a lot. But it taught me a really valuable lesson-not to take life and love for granted and now as I go through life, I try my best to show my dear ones my love and care for them. The smile I get from them helps to relief my pain gradually, and now I am more peaceful knowing that my loved ones know my love for them. But that hole left by my brother’s demise, I am afraid will always be there.

So as you go through life, don’t just rush through. Take time to show your beloved ones your love and care. It might even just help lift their storms and heartaches. It will cost you little, but will give you much. That I promise you. So don’t delay, say it now.

Never leave your “I love you’s” for tomorrow
Tomorrow is not a certainty.
You might end up with regret and sorrow.
Say it today, and so forth forever in eternity.

A Moonlit Night

It was the quite end of evening. The moon was now lording over the Earth and she did so with a quite calm and authority as she spread her beams over the grassy fields, the gravel paths, the silent trees and everything else in sight. All of Staunton was now under her watchful eye. This night as with any other, there were creatures of the night singing their songs away into the vast black sky. Once in a while the breeze joined in on their song as she made her passage through the leaves of trees.

It was on such a night as this that Gerald sat on the railing of the old bridge just outside town. He alternated between staring at the moon and its majestic reflection in the clear waters of the river below. It filled him with a strange sense of peace which however was soon lost again in the uncertainty that was hanging around his neck. He was not always like this. He was once a bright cheerful lad who was well known in town for his agreeable manners and his handsome countenance. His parents were also well known. His father, Mr. Roenall was one of the most respected elders of the town council and his mother was a well known florist. Many a girl had gone up to Gerald in hope of winning his heart, but he was like the fresh smell of summer flowers-always in your senses but never what you could call exclusively your own. He was by no means a flirtatious lad, it was just that he thought himself unable to fully give himself to one girl; hence he stayed away from them all. A well intentioned, if not a little odd thing to be doing!

Now the mayor of the town, knowing what good in-laws the Roenall family would make, approached Mr. Roenall to arrange for a wedding between Gerald and his daughter, Rachel. Mr. Roenall was delighted at this prospect and agreed to the wedding almost immediately. Now Gerald himself wasn’t too sure whether he wanted to marry at all and for a few days he was very silent. However in the end he decided that it would make his parents very happy and so he agreed to the wedding. Rachel too was very happy. She was also well known in town for her good manners and of course she was one of the prettiest, if not the prettiest woman around town. Soon all preparations were made and they were to wed in three months. Everyone was happy, except maybe a few heartbroken girls who had hoped for Gerald.

One fine day, Gerald was on his way to the neighboring town of Imnesvale. He had just landed a contract with a publishing firm in Imnesvale to get his collection of poems published and he was on his way there to meet the head publisher. It was during this journey that he saw a girl lying unconscious by the road. She was bleeding profusely and it was clear that she had been attacked by wild dogs- an ever present problem those days. Gerald picked the girl up and mounted her on his horse and he rushed her to the doctor’s clinic in Imnesvale. There he told the doctor all about the incident and also agreed to pay for the girl’s medical care. The doctor told her he knew who the girl was and also gave his word that he would do his best to help her. Gerald then left the clinic with a promise that he would return the following week and check on the girl.

Gerald had to visit Imnesvale regularly from then on with matters concerning his book, so the next week, after his work was done, he went to visit the girl, being directed to her house by the doctor. When he arrived there, he saw that she was busy cleaning up her living-room. The moment he introduced himself she embraced him and thanked him for his help with tears of joy. Gerald just smiled and told her that he was only too glad to help out. She told him that her name was Tiffany. Both her parents had died when she was fifteen and she had been working in the local bookshop since then. She also told him that she had gone out that day to pick wild flowers before she was attacked by the wild dogs. She was beautiful, with rosy cheeks and long golden curls and a beautiful heart-warming smile. There was no evidence of any injury to her face and Gerald was glad. After having tea, Gerald took his leave and headed home.

The friendship between Gerald and Tiffany grew and soon their meetings became regular. One fateful day, Tiffany, unaware of Gerald’s engagement to Rachel declared her love for him and asked him to take her away. Gerald was taken aback. He had not realized until then that he too had already fallen in love with Tiffany. He felt their souls had already become one. He felt confused. He could not break off his engagement with Rachel. He could not bear to think of the shame he would bring to his father. Their wedding was only three weeks away. But then he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Tiffany either. Finally he asked Tiffany to give him some time to think about their situation. Tiffany told him that he could take all the time in the world as she would always be rightfully his. She also told him that she was willing to do whatever it took to be with him. With that Gerald left for home.

That was eight hours ago. Gerald should have been home by now, but as it turned out, he was still sitting on the bridge as we met him in the beginning. He sighed and said, “So it has come to this. Anyway it is clear to me what I must do now. I cannot marry Rachel for I can love no one but Tiffany. Tiffany, I am afraid there is only one way for us to be together. When you receive that letter of mine, please do as I tell you. There is no other way. I shall be waiting here my love. Till I see you again, know that I will always love you.”

Having said so, he lifted the millstone tied to his neck, sighed and jumped into the river to await his true love.

“Torn is the man whose heart,
Between two loves does lie.
Wretched is He who must die,
His very soul torn apart.

Alas sad mortal, farewell to thee,
Only in death can you be free.”

Night of Sorrows

It is said that one never truly understands the sorrow, pain and confusion of losing someone you love unless you actually do lose a loved one. The words of comfort which come from dear friends and relatives, to be honest do little or nothing to lift that great hurt in one’s soul. Very often, it is only time that can heal this deep hurt. Other occasions, a moment spent with someone who has gone through the same thing can heal one almost immediately, although moments such as this are rare.

It was now three months since his beloved wife Katie passed away. Andrew tried his best to mask the pain that was still so evident on his face as he sat down in the diner with a cup of coffee. They had been married for only two months when one day Katie suddenly collapsed and died of a heart attack. That had destroyed Andrew and even after three months he was still sulking and suffering as if it was the end of his world. Even friends and relatives felt it best to leave him to himself as he was not ready to listen to anybody.

Having finished his coffee, Andrew got up, paid the waitress and went outside. Should he go home or not, he wondered. But his house, full of memories of Katie was the last place he wanted to be right now. He decided that even though it was already late, he would go for a stroll in the city park. That seemed a good idea as no one would be there at that hour and he could have the whole park to himself while he would sit and recollect happy memories of Katie.

He got there at half past eleven, and as expected it was completely empty. He found a bench by a tree and sat down. Immediately he started weeping his soul out.

“Katie, my love, why did you have to leave me so soon? You’re so inconsiderate. You could have at least given me a few more days to show you how much I love you,” he cried. In his mind’s eye, the memory of his wedding day was still so fresh it seemed like yesterday. She had looked so beautiful that day. He had told her that she looked like an angel and she had jokingly remarked that she was one and that she was sent from heaven to guide and protect him. Tears once again flowed from his eyes as he thought about those happy moments of the past.

“Mind if I have a seat?” said a voice from behind. Andrew looked back to see a tall pale man standing behind him. There was something so calm and inviting about the man that Andrew nodded his head and asked him to take a seat even though he would have preferred to be alone.

“What are you doing here at this unearthly hour my friend?” asked Andrew.

The man replied, “Same thing you are doing, I believe. Sorry I overheard you crying and I could tell that you lost someone dear to you. I can understand that you must be really hurt and lonely and that you’re probably here to think about that loved one. I am here for the same reason my good man. By the way my name’s Herman.” The man smiled and stretched out his hand as he said this. Andrew smiled back at him and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Herman, my name’s Andrew. So tell me, who have you lost that makes you so sad?”

“It’s my wife, Wendy,” Herman said with a sigh. “I should never have been so foolish as to leave her. Now I miss her so very much. And what about you, I believe Katie was your wife too.”

“That’s right; Katie was my pride and joy. We were married only a few months back. But I lost her to a heart attack. I didn’t even have a chance to save her, the doctors had told us that she had a hereditary heart problem, but I didn’t expect things to turn out how they are now. I miss her so much.”

“I’m sorry friend. But at the same time I’m happy for you because I’m sure you showed her how much you really loved her. If only I was as wise. I took my Wendy for granted so many times. I didn’t even say goodbye before I left.”

“You mean to say you were divorced?”

“Not even that. I just walked away from her. I so regret it now. I would do whatever I can to show her that I still care but now it’s too late. I have to live with this pain forever now. Even if it was possible for me to go back, I believe she would not accept me back now and I wouldn’t blame her for that. But I would be willing to do anything to show her that I love her even now.”

“I’m sure she will come to know sooner or later that you do love her,” said Andrew patting Herman on the back.

“Hey, if it’s not too much of a problem, could we meet up tomorrow and have lunch. I would really cherish your friendship. And they say misery loves company so we might do well to have company. What do you say?”

“That’s a good idea, give me your address and I’ll come and pick you up tomorrow. Okay?”

“Okay, here is my address. I’ll be expecting you by around 12 noon then. I’d better be going now. It’s really been nice to meet you my friend. Good night then.”

Both men shook hands and said their goodbyes as they each left for their homes. Andrew was happy that he found a friend in Herman and went back home happy for the first time since Katie’s death. But the moment he reached home, he could not help thinking about her. He took some sleeping pills and went to bed straight away. He felt that both his mind and body needed a break.

That night, Andrew had a strange dream. He saw Katie smiling at him, and she was holding someone’s hand and walking towards him. When she came nearer, Andrew could see that the person whose hand Katie was holding was none other than Herman. She just continued smiling at Andrew and then let go of Herman’s hand and gestured to Herman to go to Andrew. With that she disappeared.

When Andrew woke up the next day, he remembered the dream and smiled. He was sure now that he and Herman would be able to help each other out in this difficult time. It would be a wonderful friendship and Andrew was more than sure that Katie had sent Herman to him. He smiled a happy smile.

“Oh Katie, you’re so thoughtful sending me a friend in this difficult time. I shall do my best to be best of friends with Herman because I am sure that you have sent him to me. Thank you sweetheart,” said Andrew, smiling but with tears rolling down his cheeks.

He then got ready for his meeting with Herman. He arrived at his place at exactly five minutes to noon. The house was a small one. He saw that it was well looked after; the front lawn was clean, the garage too was neat and tidy and the lawns were mown. He felt right at home in that little cottage. He admired Herman for keeping his house so neat even though he was going through a hard time.

He then went up the front porch and rang the door bell. After a minute a beautiful young woman came to answer the door. Andrew thought her to be his maid. “I’m looking for Mr. Herman George. He gave me this address last night at the city park and I believe he is expecting me now.”

The woman stared at him for a while and asked, “And what might your name be?”

“I am Andrew Matthews, miss,” he replied.

Then the most unexpected thing happened, tears suddenly poured forth from the woman’s eyes and she began to weep. “Mr. Matthews,” she said, “Herman was my husband. He died three months ago in a car crash. I don’t know how you could have met him last night. I am tempted to shut the door on your face right now, but he appeared to me in a dream last night too. He looked so happy and before he left he smiled and told me that he would send someone named Andrew to me.”

NOTICE

Now it is time to put up some old stories which again if you have read before I do beg your pardon and plead for your patience till new ones come.

Thank you!!!

My Home

I dream of a place I can call my own,
Where I, my thoughts and talents may hone.
Where no sharp tongues are near;
Nay, only those I hold dear.
Solitude, quietness and peace,
But not love please,
For with love all these cease.

T'will be a place of greenest hue,
With joy aplenty and cares but few,
Where birds and beast together feed,
Where the weak the strong will lead.

And now ready am I to go there,
On wings of poesy to that land so fair.

Goodbye

Would words e'er be enough,
Hollow are they to capture this hollowness inside
Where worlds seem to disappear from one's very eyes.
One minute a world of moon, stars and smiles;
The next, a vast black empty sky.
The darkness envelopes you,
You grope for meaning,
Only to find that meaning has left;
Gone with the dawn's first flight.
You are like the mighty oak without it's roots,
Damned to die and decay,
Slow, painful and lonely.

Would life be a world of hellos and no goodbyes,
Goodbyes take away what the hello hath given.
The memory remains, only memories.
But what is the memory of joy compared to joy itself?
Would memories of friendship be more than friends?
I shudder to think of the emptiness that is a memory,
They are no more than words,
A painful reminder that you once were happy.

My world knows no goodbyes,
People come but they don't go.
I would share if I could,
But that is my world alone,
And this world would no longer be the same
If that were to happen
And what would people do if my world
Was to become theirs?

So what has to be has to be.
It is with tears of eye and soul
That I say to you
Goodbye.

Loneliness

Trudge this word alone I must
For all I have is my mind, my sense.
Everything else is but dust,
Alone must I dwell within my fence.
I ask for nothing, nothing you hear,
This world has nothing, nothing dear.
Everything that seems to be of worth,
Always to sorrow does it give birth.
To be alone is not so bad,
T'is the best that can be had,
To tread upon the sands of time,
Looking for verse and rhyme.
Aye, such a life a poet must live,
Loneliness is for his mind a sieve,
A filter through which all beauty appears
Whether his mind be in joy or fear.
So leave me be, leave me you hear,
To no one do I long to be near.
Just me, my thoughts alone,
Alone, alone, so alone...