Night of Sorrows

It is said that one never truly understands the sorrow, pain and confusion of losing someone you love unless you actually do lose a loved one. The words of comfort which come from dear friends and relatives, to be honest do little or nothing to lift that great hurt in one’s soul. Very often, it is only time that can heal this deep hurt. Other occasions, a moment spent with someone who has gone through the same thing can heal one almost immediately, although moments such as this are rare.

It was now three months since his beloved wife Katie passed away. Andrew tried his best to mask the pain that was still so evident on his face as he sat down in the diner with a cup of coffee. They had been married for only two months when one day Katie suddenly collapsed and died of a heart attack. That had destroyed Andrew and even after three months he was still sulking and suffering as if it was the end of his world. Even friends and relatives felt it best to leave him to himself as he was not ready to listen to anybody.

Having finished his coffee, Andrew got up, paid the waitress and went outside. Should he go home or not, he wondered. But his house, full of memories of Katie was the last place he wanted to be right now. He decided that even though it was already late, he would go for a stroll in the city park. That seemed a good idea as no one would be there at that hour and he could have the whole park to himself while he would sit and recollect happy memories of Katie.

He got there at half past eleven, and as expected it was completely empty. He found a bench by a tree and sat down. Immediately he started weeping his soul out.

“Katie, my love, why did you have to leave me so soon? You’re so inconsiderate. You could have at least given me a few more days to show you how much I love you,” he cried. In his mind’s eye, the memory of his wedding day was still so fresh it seemed like yesterday. She had looked so beautiful that day. He had told her that she looked like an angel and she had jokingly remarked that she was one and that she was sent from heaven to guide and protect him. Tears once again flowed from his eyes as he thought about those happy moments of the past.

“Mind if I have a seat?” said a voice from behind. Andrew looked back to see a tall pale man standing behind him. There was something so calm and inviting about the man that Andrew nodded his head and asked him to take a seat even though he would have preferred to be alone.

“What are you doing here at this unearthly hour my friend?” asked Andrew.

The man replied, “Same thing you are doing, I believe. Sorry I overheard you crying and I could tell that you lost someone dear to you. I can understand that you must be really hurt and lonely and that you’re probably here to think about that loved one. I am here for the same reason my good man. By the way my name’s Herman.” The man smiled and stretched out his hand as he said this. Andrew smiled back at him and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Herman, my name’s Andrew. So tell me, who have you lost that makes you so sad?”

“It’s my wife, Wendy,” Herman said with a sigh. “I should never have been so foolish as to leave her. Now I miss her so very much. And what about you, I believe Katie was your wife too.”

“That’s right; Katie was my pride and joy. We were married only a few months back. But I lost her to a heart attack. I didn’t even have a chance to save her, the doctors had told us that she had a hereditary heart problem, but I didn’t expect things to turn out how they are now. I miss her so much.”

“I’m sorry friend. But at the same time I’m happy for you because I’m sure you showed her how much you really loved her. If only I was as wise. I took my Wendy for granted so many times. I didn’t even say goodbye before I left.”

“You mean to say you were divorced?”

“Not even that. I just walked away from her. I so regret it now. I would do whatever I can to show her that I still care but now it’s too late. I have to live with this pain forever now. Even if it was possible for me to go back, I believe she would not accept me back now and I wouldn’t blame her for that. But I would be willing to do anything to show her that I love her even now.”

“I’m sure she will come to know sooner or later that you do love her,” said Andrew patting Herman on the back.

“Hey, if it’s not too much of a problem, could we meet up tomorrow and have lunch. I would really cherish your friendship. And they say misery loves company so we might do well to have company. What do you say?”

“That’s a good idea, give me your address and I’ll come and pick you up tomorrow. Okay?”

“Okay, here is my address. I’ll be expecting you by around 12 noon then. I’d better be going now. It’s really been nice to meet you my friend. Good night then.”

Both men shook hands and said their goodbyes as they each left for their homes. Andrew was happy that he found a friend in Herman and went back home happy for the first time since Katie’s death. But the moment he reached home, he could not help thinking about her. He took some sleeping pills and went to bed straight away. He felt that both his mind and body needed a break.

That night, Andrew had a strange dream. He saw Katie smiling at him, and she was holding someone’s hand and walking towards him. When she came nearer, Andrew could see that the person whose hand Katie was holding was none other than Herman. She just continued smiling at Andrew and then let go of Herman’s hand and gestured to Herman to go to Andrew. With that she disappeared.

When Andrew woke up the next day, he remembered the dream and smiled. He was sure now that he and Herman would be able to help each other out in this difficult time. It would be a wonderful friendship and Andrew was more than sure that Katie had sent Herman to him. He smiled a happy smile.

“Oh Katie, you’re so thoughtful sending me a friend in this difficult time. I shall do my best to be best of friends with Herman because I am sure that you have sent him to me. Thank you sweetheart,” said Andrew, smiling but with tears rolling down his cheeks.

He then got ready for his meeting with Herman. He arrived at his place at exactly five minutes to noon. The house was a small one. He saw that it was well looked after; the front lawn was clean, the garage too was neat and tidy and the lawns were mown. He felt right at home in that little cottage. He admired Herman for keeping his house so neat even though he was going through a hard time.

He then went up the front porch and rang the door bell. After a minute a beautiful young woman came to answer the door. Andrew thought her to be his maid. “I’m looking for Mr. Herman George. He gave me this address last night at the city park and I believe he is expecting me now.”

The woman stared at him for a while and asked, “And what might your name be?”

“I am Andrew Matthews, miss,” he replied.

Then the most unexpected thing happened, tears suddenly poured forth from the woman’s eyes and she began to weep. “Mr. Matthews,” she said, “Herman was my husband. He died three months ago in a car crash. I don’t know how you could have met him last night. I am tempted to shut the door on your face right now, but he appeared to me in a dream last night too. He looked so happy and before he left he smiled and told me that he would send someone named Andrew to me.”

NOTICE

Now it is time to put up some old stories which again if you have read before I do beg your pardon and plead for your patience till new ones come.

Thank you!!!

My Home

I dream of a place I can call my own,
Where I, my thoughts and talents may hone.
Where no sharp tongues are near;
Nay, only those I hold dear.
Solitude, quietness and peace,
But not love please,
For with love all these cease.

T'will be a place of greenest hue,
With joy aplenty and cares but few,
Where birds and beast together feed,
Where the weak the strong will lead.

And now ready am I to go there,
On wings of poesy to that land so fair.

Goodbye

Would words e'er be enough,
Hollow are they to capture this hollowness inside
Where worlds seem to disappear from one's very eyes.
One minute a world of moon, stars and smiles;
The next, a vast black empty sky.
The darkness envelopes you,
You grope for meaning,
Only to find that meaning has left;
Gone with the dawn's first flight.
You are like the mighty oak without it's roots,
Damned to die and decay,
Slow, painful and lonely.

Would life be a world of hellos and no goodbyes,
Goodbyes take away what the hello hath given.
The memory remains, only memories.
But what is the memory of joy compared to joy itself?
Would memories of friendship be more than friends?
I shudder to think of the emptiness that is a memory,
They are no more than words,
A painful reminder that you once were happy.

My world knows no goodbyes,
People come but they don't go.
I would share if I could,
But that is my world alone,
And this world would no longer be the same
If that were to happen
And what would people do if my world
Was to become theirs?

So what has to be has to be.
It is with tears of eye and soul
That I say to you
Goodbye.

Loneliness

Trudge this word alone I must
For all I have is my mind, my sense.
Everything else is but dust,
Alone must I dwell within my fence.
I ask for nothing, nothing you hear,
This world has nothing, nothing dear.
Everything that seems to be of worth,
Always to sorrow does it give birth.
To be alone is not so bad,
T'is the best that can be had,
To tread upon the sands of time,
Looking for verse and rhyme.
Aye, such a life a poet must live,
Loneliness is for his mind a sieve,
A filter through which all beauty appears
Whether his mind be in joy or fear.
So leave me be, leave me you hear,
To no one do I long to be near.
Just me, my thoughts alone,
Alone, alone, so alone...

NOTICE

Time to start putting up some old stuff I wrote to avoid the ignomy of having to rewrite them in case I lose them. So if you have already read some of this stuff, I apologize and ask you to bear with me for a week or so.

Thanks!!!

The Pain of Being Me

Does anyone care, does anyone know?
My suffering, my anguish? No!
I am alone, crying in pain
While the world looks on in disdain.
I long not for pity nor for kind words,
For in solitude, I know, lie my rewards.
So why then do I cry and weep?
What wound could be there so deep,
That I see pain in love,
Sorrow in the stars above,
Tears in the dance of the rain
And sadness in every thought of my brain.

Then I realized it's because of me,
The way I was made to be.

Loneliness and suffering are my friends,
Sorrow's control o'er me never ends.

O how I long to rise on the wings of dawn,
To fly away and be far gone.
To fly over lands and fields of green,
To behold what no eye has ever seen,
To sing with the stars at night,
Making the darkness melodious and bright,
To sail over the vast endless ocean
With joy being my only emotion,
O'er the white mountains to sing and glide
With the wind my solitary guide.

Alas! tis but a dream
As with all my other schemes.
I will always be on the ground,
For my feet to earth are bound.
I am hemmed in by sorrow,
Each day my pain will grow.

So I will pass through this life shriveled and torn,
And perhaps to a better future be born.

But then I will always be me,
A Child of Sorrow that I'm meant to be!