It was the quiet end of evening probably around 6 or 7, I wasn't sure as it had been a tiring day and all I wanted was a quiet relaxing evening at home. No television, no music no computers or internet, it would just be me, a hearty meal and after that a book and a giant mug of coffee. I found it amazing that despite this being a Saturday I was so busy I didn't even have any time to run any errands for myself. I had always been one who friends and family like to pick on and assign work and I actually kind of enjoyed it. The response I get from those I help out always makes it worth the while and I certainly didn't need any rewards as I had always felt being able to help out and them having faith in me to call me in their hour of need was reward enough.
However, tonight there would be none of that I told myself, I switched of my cell, locked myself in and put the lights down low so that no one would be able to reach me and I could have the evening to myself. I was looking forward to the night and in my mind I started wondering what book I would read. As I was thinking about this I got up and decided to start preparing dinner. I opened up the fridge and to my horror I realized that because I was so caught up in other things I didn't know that I was all out of sausages, salami, eggs and milk, all of which were necessary for me to have what I would call a satisfactory evening. I started grumbling and went to my room to change. On the way I also remembered that my cousin had asked me if he could borrow my motorcycle for the night and as I had planned to do nothing I had agreed to his request and so I would have to walk to the mart and back.
As soon as I got ready to leave I heard my telephone ringing and immediately remembered that I had forgotten to disconnect that. I ran over to pick it up. It was my brother.After exchanging greetings and catching up on our lives out of nowhere he asked me “Hey John is there anything I can help you out with? I mean really is there anything I can do for you like right now.”
“Well, I do have to go to the mart right now and I don’t have my motorcycle with me so I have to walk. You know how I hate walking.”
“Great, I’ll be right over, wait for me.”
“Now hold on,you live far away from me and by the time you get here I would have been able to go to the mart and back. Besides I hate walking but I need it so it’s okay brother, I’ll walk. Don’t bother troubling yourself.”
“Actually it’s no trouble John, I’d really like to help you out because you've always done a lot for me. Won’t you just give me a chance?”
“Now you’re being silly,” I chuckled, “it’s not like walking to the mart and back is a matter of life and death. And about me helping you don’t sweat it, it was my pleasure you owe me nothing. Really thank you for your offer but I must refuse and I must get going now before it gets too late. Good night bro and lets meetup soon. I’m hanging up now take good care of yourself.”
“Well if that’s how you feel okay. Good night.”
With that our conversation ended. Replacing the phone on the receiver, I walked out, locked the door and was soon on my way. It was a pleasant evening for a walk and the walk to and back from the mart actually refreshed me a lot. As soon as I got back I prepared dinner, then as I had planned I sat down with Tolkien’s “Tales from the Perilous Realm” and a giant coffee mug and passed the evening in a leisurely manner.
Around 10 pm, I decided to turn in and as I lay there on my bed I started thinking about my brother. I felt kind of bad that I refused to let him help me out. As I had said, I like to be in a position to help others but when the time comes to ask for help, I've always been hesitant. I guess this was partly due to the fact that I want to be seen as an independent resourceful person who can get things done on his own.So in the end I justified myself and told myself it was silly to let him come all the way from his home just to take me to the mart which I could walk on my own.I felt grateful that he was willing to do such a thing for me but I also felt proud of myself that I had the mind to refuse as I believed I actually saved him a lot of trouble by saying no. With that I drifted off to sleep.
The next morning being a Sunday, I got up early and got dressed for church. As soon as my cousin returned my bike I set off for the service and got there with time to spare. It was a wonderful service and the preacher’s sermon really struck me. He was talking about pride and he said that not being able to accept help and kindness was actually a form of pride. He mentioned how even Jesus allowed Mary to break her alabaster jar and anoint his head with the oil and gratefully accepted her act of kindness. All this reminded me of my brother and I felt a lot of guilt swelling up inside and right after church I told myself I’d apologize to him. I also made a vow that from then on, not only would I help others but I’d allow others to help me too.
The moment church got over I went outside to call up my brother but before I could do so,my cell rang. It was my brother’s girlfriend of the past 5 years. I picked up my phone and this is what she tearfully said:
“John, it’s me.Please don’t say anything just listen to me. I’m feeling so bad I can’t even hear your voice right now. I had a fight with your brother yesterday. I told him that I felt he is too selfish and never tries to do anything for anyone other than himself. I broke up with him and told him that unless he actually started caring for others around him I’d leave him for good. When I got up this morning I found his note under my door and in that note he acknowledged I was right and that he did try to be more selfless but he said that he tried to help someone he loved but that someone refused his help and that made him feel even worse. I could smell alcohol on the note and I was worried because you know how he is when he’s drunk. Well I’m at his place now…can you come over? They need a family member as witness. He’s killed himself. I found him hanging from the ceiling fan. I'm so sorry...”
