"Sometimes a stranger can turn out to be the best friend you've ever had"
Depressed! This word couldn't even justify the gloom in my mind that night. Everything that I had worked so hard for, all that I had held dear, destroyed, obliterated in one afternoon. The pain that was going through my soul, I felt was the kind of stuff that drives men and lovers to end their own existence without second thought. End their own existence? "Why not!", I said to myself, "all that I have ever cherished is gone, so why bother continuing living less than even half a life."
I took the silent trip down the staircase, past my parents' room, who had no idea of the turmoil that was going on in my soul (even if they knew, what could they do?!), down one more flight of stairs till I reached the kitchen. I got the car keys, and deciding against even leaving a note, opened the front door and gate making as little noise as possible.
Then I got in the car and looked at my watch, exactly 3:58 A.M. I drove off wondering where would be the perfect place to end it all. Finally, I decided upon a spot outside of town where as a teen, along with some friends, I had often gone to play football. The roads there were narrow and the cliffs were steep, a perfect place, it seemed, to end it all.
As I drove off, I noticed the dimly lit bulbs in my room from the window and couldn't help but feel a tinge of regret that it had come to this. After all, that was the one place where I had often seen my best days and moments...but I had already come too far, I looked away and floored the accelerator and drove off hoping to escape the spell of the home as quickly as possible.
I drove on and on, and I was now less than 10 minutes away from my destination, and probably less than 15 minutes for the end of it all! Just as I closed my eyes for a split second, I heard a thud. I floored the brakes and when I opened my eyes I was shocked to find a girl lying on the road. I rushed out, and I was so relieved when she got to her feet before I could reach her.
"Are you okay? I am so sorry, I just closed my eyes for a bit there and before it knew it..."
"That's okay," she interrupted, "I'm not hurt, that's all that matters."
I was surprised she took things so coolly. I stared at her, she was no more than 18, a frail thing, in loose torn jeans, dusty black converse shoes and a jacket which was probably two sizes too big for her. Her hair too was in a mess, but her face, it was radiant and beneath the light of the pale yellow street light above, she looked almost ethereal, if you could ignore her clothes long enough to focus on her face.
"What're doing out in the streets so early?" I asked
She smiled back and said "Couldn't sleep a wink so I thought I'd take a walk. Ya know it's lovely being out in the streets this time of the morning or night or whatever you wanna call it. The whole world's yours."
"Holy crap! That's what I always tell my friends and they tell me I'm weird."
"Well thats what I too would call a guy driving around at 4 am in the morning knocking down girls crossing the road."
"Yeah, sorry about that, oh heck, you're knees are bleeding badly, please let me take you home."
"That won't be necessary, but, since you're willing to let me get in your car, lets go to this neat place just outside of town and watch the sun rise, cmon what do ya say?"
"Um, I'm not too sure I can do that..."
"Cant or wont, c'mon ya gave me bloody knees for Christ's sake, you owe me, let's go."
Before I could mutter another word, she was already in the passenger seat of my car, wildly gesturing at me to get in. It couldn't be helped, I did owe her so I figured I might as well grant someone one last favor before I left, so I got in.
She then directed me to the place where she wanted to go and talk about the mother of all coincidences, it was exactly the place where I had intended to depart this earthly life. I was flummoxed.
"Outta the car hombre, rush, get out here," she shouted from the outside.
Not sure what I would do next, I slowly got out of the car and went out. She was leaning back against the hood and smiling in pure joy.
"Beautiful, isn't it hombre? And to think I never woulda made it here if you hadn't come along you big ox," she joked as she punched me on the left arm. "Geez, you're so big, I just gave you one of my best punches and you didn't even wince!"
"You seem to be a sprightly soul," I said after a few seconds of staring at her.
"Aye, that I am, and why shouldn't I be? I absolutely love going to this place. Makes me so happy. It just makes me feel that the world's a beautiful place, each day is a day full of new possibilities and each end brings a new beginning. Isn't that right?"
"..."
"You seem to have a lot on your mind, partner, what say you let them out?"
"Not sure I should, I barely know you."
"Well then," she said as she sprung to her feet, stood at attention, gave me a salute and shouted "Private Hannah at your service, Sir er, sir er, say I don't know your name either."
"I'm Jon", I told her with a smile. There was something about this girl that just spoke to me and even though I would have liked to keep my name a secret, I couldn't help but tell her.
"Well Jon, care to let your good friend Hannah know what's got you so down?"
"Well I suppose, but c'mon lets have a seat."
We walked a few steps away from the car and found a nice spot of grass and we sat down there.
"Well, Hannah, I don't even know where to begin, I shouldn't...you shouldn't even be here with me in this place yet here you are, and I'm supposed to be, supposed to be..."
"Easy there, Jon, don't get worked up, breathe, breathe, breathe!" she said as she rubbed my back.
"Thanks, and sorry about that. Anyway Hannah, I was intending to come to this place anyway to end my life. See that spot over there?" I said as I pointed to a curve in the road a few feet ahead. She nodded. "I had intended to jump off from there and end it all."
"End it all? Don't you have to like suffer major losses and setbacks, or either just be plain crazy to do that?"
I couldn't help but laugh.
"Well you're definitely not crazy, weird maybe but not crazy," she continued "so something really sad must have happened. Care to share."
"Well okay, but promise you won't try to talk me out of it okay?" After she nodded I continued "Well Hannah, for years I had been seeing this girl, and things were great between me and her and we recently had even started discussing marriage. Both her parents had passed away and she lives alone with her brother. But yesterday she met me and told me that she wanted to get away from the town for a couple of days to recharge her batteries and go stay with an aunt. Having already lost a previous girlfriend like this I was insecure and afraid of losing her too, so I put my foot down and told her not to go and that I wouldn't get the tickets for her. She was very hurt and left without saying a word and I was too proud to go after her. After she got home, her kid brother went to the bus station to get a ticket for her but unfortunately on his way back, he got involved in an accident and died on the spot...and it's all my fault! She called me up last night and told me she never wants to see me again for as long as she lives and told me she's leaving town for good. I don't blame her one bit but I can't bear to live with this sadness and I just wanna end it."
"WOW man, that is sad, but do you think that ending yourself really is the way out? I mean, isn't that taking the easy way out?"
"What do you know? You're just a kid," I shot back "You don't know the kind of turmoil and pain that I'm going through now, so lighten up on the advice and the words of wisdom okay?"
"I don't know? I don't know?...Well Jon maybe you're right. I am just a kid and nobody to advise you but then Jon, I'm pretty sure that it's no coincidence that you bumped into silly old me at this exact time. I know I made a promise that I wouldn't try to stop you, and I'll honor that, but please answer one question for me, will you?"
I nodded.
"What do you hope to accomplish by killing yourself?"
"I, I, well it's not so much a question of accomplishing anything as much as it is escaping."
"I see. But have you thought how much your death will hurt the ones you love. I mean right now you're hurt but that will heal but in killing yourself, think about how many more people you're gonna hurt. It's not just about you. Just think about that, would you?"
I stayed silent for a long time and after a while Hannah again broke the silence "Listen, Jon, I know I'm just a kid and you can stop me anytime you want. I don't know a whole lotta stuff yet, but what I do know is that whatever your situation may be you can always make the best of it, you just have to look really hard but there's always a positive note, that I am sure of now. Ending your life, for me is an act of cowardice and selfishness, you run away from your own troubles and in doing so create a heap of problems for others, the very others that you claim to love. Jon, am not gonna ask you not to do it but as a last request to a friend, can you do me a favor?"
"I suppose so."
"That won't do, promise me!"
"Okay, I promise."
"Good and no breaking your word. Please don't kill yourself today, it's already too bright anyway. Go back home, get some rest and come see me this evening. I promise you, this very night, I will be able to convince you that it is possible to go on and find a way to be happy even when you think that things are at their worst. If I fail, then you may go ahead and kill yourself."
"Okay then. Let me get you home."
As we got up and walked towards the car, she panted a bit. I thought something was wrong and just as I was about to ask if she was alright, she looked up at me and went "You big dummy, now you've got me emotional and ready to cry. Get me home fast I don't want you to see me cry."
As we walked back to the car, it was funny but I was actually glad I bumped into Hannah and even though I was still sad at the events of the past day, I had made a promise to her and I intended to keep it. I admit, my curiosity was also piqued and I was eager to see how she would go about what said she would do. We reached her home and as she got out, she hugged me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "Rest well, see ya tonight ya big dummy."
I reached home, cleaned up and finally hit the sack. I was dead tired and I awoke only by 5:30 in the evening. I then freshened up, got dressed, grabbed a quick bite and set off towards Hannah's house. What awaited me there I was not prepared for, I saw people all around her house and there were sounds of weeping. I rushed in and the news I heard shocked me, very badly, Hannah was dead! She died exactly half an hour after we had reached her house. Then a man came up to me and asked, "Are you Jonathan?"
I nodded.
"I'm Hannah's father. She wanted you to have this", he said as he handed me an envelope.
He then explained to me Hannah had been suffering from leukemia for the past many years and she finally succumbed to it that very day.
"She was an amazing child," her dad said "she never complained about her situation but rather she would often be the one to comfort me and her mom and tell us that in all things there's always a way to be happy. She cared for everybody around her so much, especially her elder sister. When she came back with you this morning she was so happy. She wrote something for you and also wrote a note for me and her mother, and told us not to open it until either she passed away or when she told us to open it, whichever was first. We never imagined that it would come to this."
She was indeed an amazing kid. She had kept her word and showed me exactly what she said she would do. I am so thankful that I met that angel. She has given me a fresh hope and a courage to go on and face new challenges with the knowledge that I can always find a way to be happy if I tried hard enough...and she's given me much more than that, for in the letter she left for her parents was my story and how I needed someone to love me and in my envelope was a photo and a phone number, that of her sister's.
Below is a song called "Waiting for you" by Yuko Ohigashi, the inspiration behind the story.
