Night of Sorrows

It is said that one never truly understands the sorrow, pain and confusion of losing someone you love unless you actually do lose a loved one. The words of comfort which come from dear friends and relatives, to be honest do little or nothing to lift that great hurt in one’s soul. Very often, it is only time that can heal this deep hurt. Other occasions, a moment spent with someone who has gone through the same thing can heal one almost immediately, although moments such as this are rare.

It was now three months since his beloved wife Katie passed away. Andrew tried his best to mask the pain that was still so evident on his face as he sat down in the diner with a cup of coffee. They had been married for only two months when one day Katie suddenly collapsed and died of a heart attack. That had destroyed Andrew and even after three months he was still sulking and suffering as if it was the end of his world. Even friends and relatives felt it best to leave him to himself as he was not ready to listen to anybody.

Having finished his coffee, Andrew got up, paid the waitress and went outside. Should he go home or not, he wondered. But his house, full of memories of Katie was the last place he wanted to be right now. He decided that even though it was already late, he would go for a stroll in the city park. That seemed a good idea as no one would be there at that hour and he could have the whole park to himself while he would sit and recollect happy memories of Katie.

He got there at half past eleven, and as expected it was completely empty. He found a bench by a tree and sat down. Immediately he started weeping his soul out.

“Katie, my love, why did you have to leave me so soon? You’re so inconsiderate. You could have at least given me a few more days to show you how much I love you,” he cried. In his mind’s eye, the memory of his wedding day was still so fresh it seemed like yesterday. She had looked so beautiful that day. He had told her that she looked like an angel and she had jokingly remarked that she was one and that she was sent from heaven to guide and protect him. Tears once again flowed from his eyes as he thought about those happy moments of the past.

“Mind if I have a seat?” said a voice from behind. Andrew looked back to see a tall pale man standing behind him. There was something so calm and inviting about the man that Andrew nodded his head and asked him to take a seat even though he would have preferred to be alone.

“What are you doing here at this unearthly hour my friend?” asked Andrew.

The man replied, “Same thing you are doing, I believe. Sorry I overheard you crying and I could tell that you lost someone dear to you. I can understand that you must be really hurt and lonely and that you’re probably here to think about that loved one. I am here for the same reason my good man. By the way my name’s Herman.” The man smiled and stretched out his hand as he said this. Andrew smiled back at him and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Herman, my name’s Andrew. So tell me, who have you lost that makes you so sad?”

“It’s my wife, Wendy,” Herman said with a sigh. “I should never have been so foolish as to leave her. Now I miss her so very much. And what about you, I believe Katie was your wife too.”

“That’s right; Katie was my pride and joy. We were married only a few months back. But I lost her to a heart attack. I didn’t even have a chance to save her, the doctors had told us that she had a hereditary heart problem, but I didn’t expect things to turn out how they are now. I miss her so much.”

“I’m sorry friend. But at the same time I’m happy for you because I’m sure you showed her how much you really loved her. If only I was as wise. I took my Wendy for granted so many times. I didn’t even say goodbye before I left.”

“You mean to say you were divorced?”

“Not even that. I just walked away from her. I so regret it now. I would do whatever I can to show her that I still care but now it’s too late. I have to live with this pain forever now. Even if it was possible for me to go back, I believe she would not accept me back now and I wouldn’t blame her for that. But I would be willing to do anything to show her that I love her even now.”

“I’m sure she will come to know sooner or later that you do love her,” said Andrew patting Herman on the back.

“Hey, if it’s not too much of a problem, could we meet up tomorrow and have lunch. I would really cherish your friendship. And they say misery loves company so we might do well to have company. What do you say?”

“That’s a good idea, give me your address and I’ll come and pick you up tomorrow. Okay?”

“Okay, here is my address. I’ll be expecting you by around 12 noon then. I’d better be going now. It’s really been nice to meet you my friend. Good night then.”

Both men shook hands and said their goodbyes as they each left for their homes. Andrew was happy that he found a friend in Herman and went back home happy for the first time since Katie’s death. But the moment he reached home, he could not help thinking about her. He took some sleeping pills and went to bed straight away. He felt that both his mind and body needed a break.

That night, Andrew had a strange dream. He saw Katie smiling at him, and she was holding someone’s hand and walking towards him. When she came nearer, Andrew could see that the person whose hand Katie was holding was none other than Herman. She just continued smiling at Andrew and then let go of Herman’s hand and gestured to Herman to go to Andrew. With that she disappeared.

When Andrew woke up the next day, he remembered the dream and smiled. He was sure now that he and Herman would be able to help each other out in this difficult time. It would be a wonderful friendship and Andrew was more than sure that Katie had sent Herman to him. He smiled a happy smile.

“Oh Katie, you’re so thoughtful sending me a friend in this difficult time. I shall do my best to be best of friends with Herman because I am sure that you have sent him to me. Thank you sweetheart,” said Andrew, smiling but with tears rolling down his cheeks.

He then got ready for his meeting with Herman. He arrived at his place at exactly five minutes to noon. The house was a small one. He saw that it was well looked after; the front lawn was clean, the garage too was neat and tidy and the lawns were mown. He felt right at home in that little cottage. He admired Herman for keeping his house so neat even though he was going through a hard time.

He then went up the front porch and rang the door bell. After a minute a beautiful young woman came to answer the door. Andrew thought her to be his maid. “I’m looking for Mr. Herman George. He gave me this address last night at the city park and I believe he is expecting me now.”

The woman stared at him for a while and asked, “And what might your name be?”

“I am Andrew Matthews, miss,” he replied.

Then the most unexpected thing happened, tears suddenly poured forth from the woman’s eyes and she began to weep. “Mr. Matthews,” she said, “Herman was my husband. He died three months ago in a car crash. I don’t know how you could have met him last night. I am tempted to shut the door on your face right now, but he appeared to me in a dream last night too. He looked so happy and before he left he smiled and told me that he would send someone named Andrew to me.”

NOTICE

Now it is time to put up some old stories which again if you have read before I do beg your pardon and plead for your patience till new ones come.

Thank you!!!

My Home

I dream of a place I can call my own,
Where I, my thoughts and talents may hone.
Where no sharp tongues are near;
Nay, only those I hold dear.
Solitude, quietness and peace,
But not love please,
For with love all these cease.

T'will be a place of greenest hue,
With joy aplenty and cares but few,
Where birds and beast together feed,
Where the weak the strong will lead.

And now ready am I to go there,
On wings of poesy to that land so fair.

Goodbye

Would words e'er be enough,
Hollow are they to capture this hollowness inside
Where worlds seem to disappear from one's very eyes.
One minute a world of moon, stars and smiles;
The next, a vast black empty sky.
The darkness envelopes you,
You grope for meaning,
Only to find that meaning has left;
Gone with the dawn's first flight.
You are like the mighty oak without it's roots,
Damned to die and decay,
Slow, painful and lonely.

Would life be a world of hellos and no goodbyes,
Goodbyes take away what the hello hath given.
The memory remains, only memories.
But what is the memory of joy compared to joy itself?
Would memories of friendship be more than friends?
I shudder to think of the emptiness that is a memory,
They are no more than words,
A painful reminder that you once were happy.

My world knows no goodbyes,
People come but they don't go.
I would share if I could,
But that is my world alone,
And this world would no longer be the same
If that were to happen
And what would people do if my world
Was to become theirs?

So what has to be has to be.
It is with tears of eye and soul
That I say to you
Goodbye.

Loneliness

Trudge this word alone I must
For all I have is my mind, my sense.
Everything else is but dust,
Alone must I dwell within my fence.
I ask for nothing, nothing you hear,
This world has nothing, nothing dear.
Everything that seems to be of worth,
Always to sorrow does it give birth.
To be alone is not so bad,
T'is the best that can be had,
To tread upon the sands of time,
Looking for verse and rhyme.
Aye, such a life a poet must live,
Loneliness is for his mind a sieve,
A filter through which all beauty appears
Whether his mind be in joy or fear.
So leave me be, leave me you hear,
To no one do I long to be near.
Just me, my thoughts alone,
Alone, alone, so alone...

NOTICE

Time to start putting up some old stuff I wrote to avoid the ignomy of having to rewrite them in case I lose them. So if you have already read some of this stuff, I apologize and ask you to bear with me for a week or so.

Thanks!!!

The Pain of Being Me

Does anyone care, does anyone know?
My suffering, my anguish? No!
I am alone, crying in pain
While the world looks on in disdain.
I long not for pity nor for kind words,
For in solitude, I know, lie my rewards.
So why then do I cry and weep?
What wound could be there so deep,
That I see pain in love,
Sorrow in the stars above,
Tears in the dance of the rain
And sadness in every thought of my brain.

Then I realized it's because of me,
The way I was made to be.

Loneliness and suffering are my friends,
Sorrow's control o'er me never ends.

O how I long to rise on the wings of dawn,
To fly away and be far gone.
To fly over lands and fields of green,
To behold what no eye has ever seen,
To sing with the stars at night,
Making the darkness melodious and bright,
To sail over the vast endless ocean
With joy being my only emotion,
O'er the white mountains to sing and glide
With the wind my solitary guide.

Alas! tis but a dream
As with all my other schemes.
I will always be on the ground,
For my feet to earth are bound.
I am hemmed in by sorrow,
Each day my pain will grow.

So I will pass through this life shriveled and torn,
And perhaps to a better future be born.

But then I will always be me,
A Child of Sorrow that I'm meant to be!

Fair Lady of the Hill (A tribute to Lalsangzuali Sailo)

Fair Lady of the Hill,

Now you lie calm and still.

But though no words now you speak,

Your message shines for all who seek;

For those in the darkness who grope,

A message of love and hope.

Beauty, true and pure resounded in thy soul,

Soothing melody, calm, pure and whole

Flowed from thine lips, God's gift

Broken souls to heal and lift.

We wish you would stay yet a while

So that praises on you we would pile,

For thou never received all your due,

Nay, though your soul shined with brightest hue.

But then onward must you go

To thine heavenly home above.

From there your prayers for us would flow,

A prayer for peace and of truest love.

And onward, we too shall slowly stumble,

And many a time for lack of faith fumble.

But then our spirits shall turn to thee

And our faith shall once again be freed.

Our leaking cup of hope thou wilt fill

Even though now you lie calm and still;

Thank you, Fair Lady of the Hill.

My Journey to True Love I - Lady Francine Leza Lluna

A meeting with Lady Francine is one which will definitely change your life. It's been three years since I last met her and yet the memories of that meeting are still clear in my mind. Such beauty, such grace and such elegance carried in that delicate frame.

I remember I was a depressed young soul pondering over the mysteries of love and life. I remember I was just on the verge of calling it quits. A soft single silent tear found its way down my numb cheek. It was just a wonderful work of Fate that Mr. Foosh the night breeze diverted my attention to the lovely crescent moon above ...Lady Fate wasn't done yet as she sent a nightbird couple to fly past me and got me to ask the magic question, "Love is...?"

The question that was not even really a question changed my life...forever...every single day...it still does.

"Waiting for you...", "Longing for you...", "Flying through the clouds...", these words took the svelte form of song and resonated through my being. I could hear the paltry voices of Guardian Fairies of Reality starting to scream disconsolately demanding that I return to my normal state of being immediately. These little guardians are what keeps people from trespassing into the realms of fantasy and imagination. However that night there was a force greater than that of these guardians that allowed me to escape their inhibitions effortlessly. Something was stirring in my soul that even the strong delusions of reality could not keep away.

Next thing I knew, I was up in the clouds and could see the insignificant forms of real life below me...I had transcended reality! I knew it took a really powerful force to ever do this and that force was there in front of my very eyes...in all her majesty and splendour yet!!! Lady Francine Leza Lluna, one of the avatars of Mother Earth herself.

Her presence with me there was otherworldly. Finally, with a smile across her lovely face she spoke forth, "O child of sorrow, your songs which are someone else's and the cry on your lips which doth belong to another have brought you here to my presence. Now the questions in your heart too are not your own but all that you long for will be yours soon...if your desire is strong enough."

Words failed me at that moment and so did all my other senses. I just stood there blank. She continued, "A noble quest awaits thee, but for now you must rest and eat...have these never-hunger berries for you shall need them." I stared at her. "Do not fret my child, these aren't fully ripe yet and you will still long for your human food again."

I ate the berries and after that Lady Francine took me to high up to the clouds and we sat on the moonbeams. "I have felt the pain, songs and questions in your heart my child, and like I said, they are not your own. Whose they are I cannot tell you for that is what you must find. Now I will give you directions to Castle Fairydust and there must you meet a certain person who will be waiting for you."

She smiled again and the gentleness and the warmth that radiated from her gave me peace for the first time in many months and after this encounter I was ready to move on and find whose sorrow I had been sharing...I reluctantly had to leave her company but in my heart I know she is always with me. I did not see her again after this but like I said, this one encounter alone with her has so impressed upon my heart peace and calmness. This has helped me through so many situations in life and it still does. Lady Francine be blessed for this!

But for the time being, to Castle Fairydust I had to sojourn and that is where my tale will continue...

Fanny Redpetals- Part I

Swinging high on the boughs of trees,

Singing and laughing with the breeze;

There's my Fanny, child of Mother Earth,

Born of joy, of song and mirth.

I am the luckiest to be born ever,

To have this beauty as mine... forever!

Airwalking

Last night was simply exquisite. Tired of assignments and dissertations and all that other stuff, I decided to do something I hadn't done in a while...airwalking. Now don't jump to any conclusions, intoxicants had nothing to do with this...it's all in the power of the human mind.

I decided to pay a visit to the Moon above and after an hour or so of munching on frosted rain flakes and chit-chatting about so many things I decided to move on.

I caught the night air fairies just as they were about to embark on their weekly visit to Starcrest Beach. I admit it was a surprise when they invited me, and having nothing else to do I gladly agreed to go with them. It was a wonderful trip and the long walk was worth it as Andresia the Fair, the most melodious of all air fairies kept boredom and tiredness away with her angelic voice, singing for us the entire journey. I had to admit she sounded a lot like Leigh Nash...especially when she sang "Never Finish"^-^

Having built a huge castle of stardust I left my jolly company of fairies and decided to surprise my old friend, Klobby-Wobby, the shoe gnome. As expected he was busy cobbling shoes for poor little children when I arrived. He was his usual self- merry,cheerful with his cheeks like cherries glowing in the faint light of his little candle. He told me that he'd been having a hard time of late as no matter how hard he worked there are just too many poor children and he was just unable to make shoes for them all. "And you human-folk do nothing for these little tykes. You would be able to do much more than I could ever accomplish if you just tried." I knew he was right and I was ashamed and sorry for him and all the little children around the world. To do whatever little I could, I spent the next few hours with Klobby helping him make shoes.

Soon I could hear the Sun cheerfully greeting the Moon a good morning and I knew that I had to return soon. I took my leave from Klobby and returned to my bed relaxed and ready for a new day.

The next time I go airwalking again I have decided I will straightaway head to Klobby's and spend time helping him make shoes. I owe it to that little gnome with a big heart.

Just simple thoughts really...

Something about the way I got up this morning made me very reflective. Unlike other days I actually got up early and fresh...on other days an early morning equates to a very bad mood and lead-heavy eyes. We are ever changing. We know ourselves not at all. We find there's a side to us we never knew every once in a while. A scary thought I must admit...there might be a possible murderer in me waiting to come out, but until it does I will never know. All I can and will be able to do should that part of me ever comes out is...well I don't really know??? I can spend hours on end worrying but what good will that ever do??? Little or nothing...So let's just enjoy and take life as it comes....one simple little thought at a time...here's to you dreamers everywhere from from the King of dreamers himself.